Lately I came across this timely article written by Patricia Rossi of The Gazette. Take a moment to read this over, I think you will find it helpful during what can be a stressful holiday season!
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Hands up: how many of you felt anxious a few weeks ago when holiday decorations started popping up everywhere?
Some people say the holidays are their favourite time of year, but for others the season is not so merry. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the pressure to buy more, eat more and do more. For women in particular, stress levels can skyrocket. When it comes to children and chores, more men are doing more, but women still do the most. This is especially true when it comes to family commitments like holidays. It’s also true that women sometimes tend to go overboard, trying to please everyone and make everything perfect.
When women focus too much on others, we risk our physical and emotional health. But when we focus too much on ourselves, we feel guilty and selfish. As a busy professional woman, I’ve often struggled with this balancing act. Over the years, I’ve discovered a few tips and one big secret that I think you might find helpful this holiday season.
I balance giving to others with giving to myself. I’m not talking about buying myself expensive shoes (however much fun that might be). I’m talking about giving myself less tangible gifts – like sitting in the car in the grocery-store parking lot for five minutes to watch the sun set, rather than racing off as soon as I load the bags into the trunk.
More importantly, I do things that confirm my deepest values and beliefs. For me, that means serving on the board of directors of the Canadian Women’s Foundation. We help at-risk women and girls move out of violence and poverty and into confidence.
Don’t believe the cynics who say social change is impossible – I’ve seen it happen. In our empowerment programs for girls aged 9 to 13, I’ve watched these strong, smart girls learn to recognize and speak out against the sexist advertising that teaches them to hate their bodies. I’ve seen their eyes light up when they realize they matter just as much as boys; that they, too, can become leaders. This work feeds my soul.
And that’s the trick to finding your own way to give back. There are hundreds of worthwhile causes out there, and one of them is perfect for you. If it feels like an obligation, keep looking.
I balance a focus on my family with a focus on my community. My first priority will always be the health and happiness of my immediate and extended family. But I can’t ignore what Rosemary Brown, the first black woman to be elected to provincial office in Canada, famously said: “Until all of us have made it, none of us have made it.” If I have done nothing about the fact that 350,000 single mothers in Canada are struggling to raise their children in poverty, how can I be truly happy at the sight of my own nephews opening presents?
I don’t have to single-handedly end poverty. But when I know I’ve done my part, however small, I feel more at peace. Engaging in the world outside your own door can open your heart and lessen the social guilt we often feel about inequality – a reality that is still all too common in Canada.
I balance gratitude for change with the passion to keep fighting.
A well-known Canadian columnist recently said that those who are still angry about violence against women are part of the “grievance industry.” This disturbed me. On average, every six days in Canada another woman is killed by her husband or partner. While it’s a relief that fewer women are being murdered than in the past, on an average night 3,300 women (plus their 3,000 children) stay in shelters because they’re not safe at home.
Women in Canada have made amazing advances – we should be leaping for joy! But far too many are still trapped in violence, poverty and rigid stereotypes that limit our potential. The wheels of change grind slowly indeed, and they will stop altogether if we cease to push. But when you’re working for social change, you need to recharge your batteries now and then by taking the time to celebrate your accomplishments.
Those are my tips for a more balanced life, and here’s my big secret: even though I donate time, money and energy to the women’s foundation, I get back more than I give. Being connected to something larger than myself definitely keeps my own problems in perspective. And the fact that I play a role, however small, in helping women and girls at risk makes me feel incredibly proud, powerful, and at peace. All this tells me I have found a place where I belong. I have found my tribe.
You’ll feel more balanced when you’ve found yours, too. Which causes speak to your heart? Which social changes do you want the most? When you know, go out and find the people who are working to make them happen. They are out there, and they need you.
My balancing act is never perfect, and yours won’t be either. But with your feet – and your heart – firmly planted in your passion for social change, nothing can knock you off balance.
Not even the sight of holiday decorations.